The Legend of Proverbs
by The Marauders
Summary: A play my friends and I did in a class where we were supposed to learn about proverbs. Rated PG-13 for some swearing and minor innuendo. By Moony


Mooney: This was created because we had to make a play in French class which had 10 proverbs in it.   
Hopefully, I translated all the proverbs correctly, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did performing it.   
Also, please ignore the fact that I, a female, played Link, and that Louis, a male, played Navi and Malon.   
We did it because I make a better Link then he does, and because it would be funnier for a 6 foot tall male to play a fairy.  
  
Also, you'll probably see that Navi acts a lot more like Tatl in this, but we wanted to stick with OoT characters. Of course, I had to write Tatl's personality, because Tatl is the better of the two fairies.  
  
  
MOONEY'S FRENCH PLAY  
  
Starring. . .   
  
Mooney, as Link.  
  
Louis, as Malon and Navi  
  
Kevin, as Ganondorf.  
  
SCENE 1 (Link's house)  
  
(Link wakes up as Navi flies into the room, excited.)  
  
Navi: Link, wake up!!! The early bird gets the worm!!!   
  
(Link is fully awake now, looking at Navi expectantly)  
  
Navi: I have GREAT news for you! Malon's. . . MISSING!!!  
  
(Link jumps up, shocked)  
  
Link: What?!  
  
Navi: (nodding) YUP! Isn't it GREAT?!  
  
Link: NO!! Ganondorf probably kidnapped her!!!  
  
Navi: **sighs** Link, just think like me: Distance makes the heart grow fonder!  
  
Link: How can you SAY that?!  
  
Navi: Awww. . . even if you DO want to rescue her, Ganon's too hard to fight on a Sunday.  
  
Link: If there's a will, there's a way!  
  
  
  
SCENE 2 (Ganon's fortress)  
  
(Ganon is standing in a room with Malon locked in a cage.)  
  
Ganon: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Malon: Somebody HELP me!!!   
  
(Ganon ignores her)  
  
Malon: Hey, GANON!! You're a pain in the @$$!!!  
  
(Ganondorf looks hurt and taken back)  
  
Ganon: Yeah?! Well. . . you're a. . . a. . . cucomber!!!  
  
(he turns away, looking embarassed while Malon gives him a strange look)  
  
Malon: You're. . . not really evil, are you?  
  
Ganon: **in panic** Yes I am!!! I swear!!! Look, I'll prove it to you!   
  
(Ganon gets a seductive look in his eye)  
  
Ganon: Do that thing I showed you how to do. . .   
  
(Malon backs up in her cage, looking disgusted)  
  
Malon: Ugh, NO!  
  
Ganon: Please?  
  
Malon: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!!!  
  
  
  
SCENE 3 (Link and Navi are on their way to Ganon's castle)  
  
(Link is moving along with a lot of energy, while Navi trails behind him)  
  
Navi: **groans** It's taking to LOONNNG. . . let's go BACK!!!  
  
Link: Rome wasn't built in one day.  
  
Navi: Oohhhh, fine. But we're probably going to be too late to save her.  
  
Link: Better late than never!  
  
(Navi stops and gives Link a strange look)  
  
Navi: If you're going to be like that, why don't we just go home and try again tomorrow?  
  
Link: Never put off for tomorrow what you can do today.  
  
Navi: Will you STOP speaking in proverbs?!  
  
  
  
SCENE 4 (Ganondorf's fortress)  
  
(Ganon is pacing around the room and Malon is singing)  
  
Malon: GANON IS STUUUUPIDD!!! VERY VERY STUUUUUPID!!! THE STUPIDEST PERSON IN THE WHOOOOOLLLEEE WORLD!!! STTUUUUUUPIDD!!!!!!  
  
(Ganon turns around and zaps Malon with some magic, and she falls to the ground, unconscious.)  
  
Ganon: 'No', they said! 'You're never going to rule the world' they said! 'Napoleonic tendencies' they said!! Weelllll, I'll show them! I'll show them ALL!!!  
  
  
  
SCENE 5 (the entrance to Ganon's fortress)  
  
(Link and Navi step up to the door)  
  
Link: By Din's fire!!! Look at the size of that door!!!! (he cranes his neck upwards until it's as far back as it can go.)  
  
(a look of determination spreads across his face, and he starts pounding on the doors.)  
  
Link: LET US IN!!!!! I'M GOING TO BURN THIS PLACE DOWN IF YOU DON'T LET US IN!!!!!!!!  
  
(Navi calmly goes up to the door and turns the handle, then walks inside. Link grins bashfully)  
  
Link: Ohhh. . . hehe. . . I knew that. . .   
  
(he walks in)  
  
  
  
SCENE 6 (inside the fortress)  
  
Ganon: After I kill Link, I shall RULE THE WORLD!! MWAAHAHAHAA!!!  
  
(Navi flies into the room and waves calmly at Ganon, then turns and looks through the doorway, waiting for someone.)  
  
(Link runs in and tries to pose dramatically, but he's out of breath)  
  
Link: The walls have ears, GANONDORF!!!  
  
Ganon: **grins gayly* Why, helloooooooooo!!!  
  
(Link regains his composure and stands, looking at Ganon cooly. He nods.)  
  
Link: 'sup?  
  
Ganon: I'm going to kill you now!!!  
  
(Link pulls out the Master Sword and cackles sadistically)  
  
Link: I'd like to see you try!!!  
  
(Ganon pulls out a lightsaber and lights it up)  
  
Ganon: MWAHAHA!!! Eat THIS!!!  
  
Link: Oooohhhhhh. . . shit.  
  
(Ganon's lightsaber flickers and the light goes out, leaving it as a plastic, red stick.)  
  
Ganon: Damn, I knew I should've used energizer.  
  
Link: Haha!!! You don't have any power!!!  
  
Ganon: Well, I can still use it to beat you!!  
  
(He takes the 'sticksabre' and starts hitting Link in the arm with it. Link just stares at him indifferently.)  
  
Link: **sighs** (placidly) Oh, help me, help me, please, stop.  
  
Ganon: (really ticked off) Okay, TIME TO DIE!!!  
  
(Ganon takes out two pistols and starts shooting at Link, who just pulls off one of those Matrix-dodging sequences. After he falls to the ground, he gets up and pulls out the Master Sword, running his finger along the blade and flicking it like they do in Crouching Tigger Hidden Dragon. He runs towards Ganon and they have an impressive sword fight. However, Ganon gains the upper-hand, and when it looks like Link's about to lose, Navi flies up and starts swatting Ganon in the face.)  
  
Ganon: Go away, you little bugger!!! (he lashes out and swats Navi against a wall, killing her.)  
  
Link: No. . . No. . . NAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Ganon: Boo hoo.  
  
Link: You. . . you MONSTER!!! BRUTE!!!! DEVIL!!!!!   
  
(Link charges Ganon and stabs him in the stomach. Ganon grunts and falls back against a wall, but eventually dies. Link steps back, gasping for breath, then turns and lets Malon out from her cage. She wakes up and runs towards him.)  
  
Malon: Link, my hero!!!  
  
(they hug)  
  
Malon: Thank you for saving me!   
  
(she gets a disgusted look on her face)  
  
Malon: She wanted me to do the WORST things with him. . .   
  
(Link raises his eyebrow, glancing suspiciously at her.)  
  
Link: Like. . . . . . . . . . . what?  
  
Malon: **laughs nervously** Link, honey. . . ignorance is bliss.  
  
(Link shakes his head, then suddenly looks sad.)  
  
Link: But, Malon. . . Navi is dead.  
  
(he begins to cry, but Malon looks overjoyed)  
  
Malon: Really?!  
  
(she pumps her fist in the air)  
  
Malon: YES!!!  
  
(Link looks up at her in shock. Malon, seeing his look, shrugs)  
  
Malon: Ehh, all's well that end's well!  
  
THE END  
  
Link: **looking confused** I don't get it, it didn't end well!  
  
Mooney: **shrugs** Meh, what can you do, except read and review? **stops** Yes!! That rhymes!!! **cackles**  
  
Link: You are WAYYY too easily entertained.  
  
Mooney: Oh, shut yer trap.  
  



End file.
